#HAWMC Day 18: “5 Challenges & 5 Small Victories. Make a list of the 5 most difficult parts of your health focus. Make another top 5 list for the little, good things (small victories) that keep you going.”
My Top 5 list for the challenges of my health journey? This is likely to come out sounding like more of a confessional, I suppose…I mean…who regularly highlights the less-than-stellar of their chronic illness journey!?!?
That’s right baby… ME!
1. Attention: putting myself out in the public realm leaves me open for the “haters”…I’ve said it often, in fact. I often wonder why people think that having a disease is the schizzle? Do you want one, too? I find I spend far too much time trying to sort out the psyches of others than I should.
Which leads to:
2. Writing: sometimes I just want to pack it up, shelve it…leave it to rot in the processed world of spotlight. I think that’s why I appreciate the little “likes” and “tweets” to the extent that I do. It reminds me that I write because there is someone out there who gets whateveritisthattheyneed from it.
Which progresses from:
3. Health, Health & Health: Holy fuckernackles, Batman!! Who seriously enjoys eating, sleeping, breathing, writing, talking about health all of the time?!?! Millions. But not “Me.”. I loathe it, at times…truth be told. I already have to think so hard about what I’m eating, how I’m sleeping, what I’m popping to alleviate what I’m feeling…why the hell would I continue to do it, on purpose, when I don’t feel like writing about it…in a public forum that brings out haters?!?
4. The people I still desperately wish would read about my journey, won’t. I feel that if they read about the journey, they’d understand about the journey and stop being shocked when discussing about the journey (which then leads back to #3).
5. Guilt. Oh, sweet mother of jeebuz, this one’s a doozy. I share a lot. I don’t, however, share everything. I wish I could. I really, really wish I could. I wish I could share with brutal honestly some of the thoughts I have about living with chronic conditions/diseases/secondary syndromes…
I keep on keepin’ on, right?
1. I have come to recognize, and believe it to be true, that there are those “someone’s” out there that get a little bit of my bat-shit crazy. \m/ So, I keep writing.
2. #gladitude - it’s an attitude, a reflection of a change in perspective. It’s about finding “Happy.” in the seemingly insignificant or previously unnoticed.
3. When I noticed that things with colour really makes me happy. Further still, when I noticed other people noticing that colour really makes me happy. Further still…that other people noticed that colour really makes them happy.
4. Days without eating, sleeping, breathing, writing or talking about health all of the time. I’ve only recently been making this a condition of continuing to write and advocate. I’m glad I have. When you start resenting the process, you can’t adequately illustrate that process. And, it feels really f\m/king good to not have to “All Health, All of the Time.”
5. Attention: Well ain’t this a piece of ironic “full circle”?? By keeping on keepin’ on…I’ve been afforded new opportunities and have made some really outstanding connections with really incredible people.
New opportunities lead to new learning. New learning leads to new knowledge.
Knowledge is power…and I’m a conduit…
What are your biggest challenges and small victories?
Whatever they may be, I hope you find yourself blazing your own path of awesome. \m/