Even in my quasi-hiatus from posting during the craziness of the summertime ten hour work days whilst trying to maintain some semblance of emotional stability…I’ve been pondering.
I’ve been pondering my life, my soul, my ”Everything.”…as is pretty usual fare in my little corner of the Cosmos.
One of my ponderances??
Peeps, I feckin’ LOATHE the term. To me, it’s like every time I say, ”I have an invisible illness” I’m enabling other people to continue to see only that they cannot see my ”Sick.”
This bothers me, and until now, I’d not a clue why.
Then I got a lil’ ragey.
Then I got a lil’ of the sadz.
Then I got all, ”Well what in the flying hell can I do about it?!?”
I came to the connection between one of my old thoughts and one of a new thought:
- People do not have to care. They simply don’t. It hurts. Makes some people seem a lil’ like an asshole, in fact. But, as much as there are times I do not giveth a shiteth about eleventy-billion foodie posts, political posts, issue posts…people are not obligated to follow my own health-related posts.
2. If it’s all about the balance…all about making sure I post just as much epic shit as I-crawled-up-the-stairs-again posts…why am I not targeting some of my posts as a reminder that my life…thus, my illness is, indeed, visible??
I’m going to start indicating imagery in my ”Photo Journal of a Life with Lupus”, my Instagram (pattiebrynnhultquist), with the hashtag:
And you’re going to also know why I think that particular image is important…
Let’s try one, shall we?
So. I was a date for my friend as friends of hers got married this past Saturday. I liked to pretend I was part of a Wedding Crashers movie…but I digress.
I figured I’d be a quiet soul in the corner for the evening…just people watching…like always.
It. Was. So. Much. Fun.
There were other “dates” of women and it, in fact, turned into a quasi girls’ night out.
So…why the #myvisiblelife?
Because what you see is a woman who is standing there in a dress and pretty shoes.
What you can’t see is that my kidneys were in spasm. There was a blister on my toe that, thanks for being diabetic, I have to watch like a hawk for fear it will become another hole in my foot…which it’s currently doing a damn fine job of becoming.
This image is important because of how much anxiety I’d had to overcome just to go. I’d thought of no less than six impossible things to NOT do before breakfast…and I went anyway.
I danced anyway.
I was going to hurt anyway…and I’d made it a night of amazing memories.
I think it important to remember that when one is afflicted with the less-than-stellar of the Cosmic stardust, one must still find a way to relate to people. Images are a powerful thing. The more images I share, and include my lil’ fun hashtag, the more people are going to understand that there is always, ALWAYS, a story behind it. Even in their own journeys…healthy or not.
I’d like to start drawing more attention to the things that people with chronic illnesses and/or diseases ”Do.”…because we’re not lost in the book of humanity. We laugh and cry and move and bleed just like anyone else.
If one may wish to consider my disease invisible…well…here I am, mutha fucka’…come watch me…in good times and in bad.
Because I sure as shit am worth it.
So, by the gods of your own, are ”You.”