Crunching Kryptonite…

Anyone who knows me well enough, knows that I have “Tuesdays.”  I don’t have “Monday’s”…I have “Tuesdays.”  I don’t know what caused a quantum shift in MY work-week, exactly. *shrug*

Yesterday?  Yesterday was a latent Tuesday that bitch-slapped me upside the head.

No shit.

Let me illuminate the scenario:

Tuesday was a snow day.  I would like to endearingly refer to it as a “non-conforming kinda day.” I had shit to do….it didn’t get done. Moving on.

Yesterday?  Seems good ol’ Momma Nature decided to have a wee giggle over encrusting all the snow we’ve gotten in a sheet of freezing rain.  By encrusting, I mean a shellac-ing a COAT of ice that kept people from getting into their cars.

Meaning *I* was kept from getting into my car.  Because OF COURSE the twins had their speech therapy.  So what do I do?  I did what any kind, endearing mother would do who’s just been out for almost an hour because the school buses were running late in -29C windchill which caused my upper legs to welt

I hauled my numbed I’ve-earned-this-ass into the back seat (remember, currently under flare) and tried to kick the doors open.

Picture, if you will…a seriously pissed off (bordering on deranged) woman in the back seat of her car, booted feet up in the air, miming (cuz you can’t hear me on the outside now, can ya??) obscenities while two little boys stare incredulously into the car… Stupid mo-fo car.  It didn’t conform.  It friggin’ mocked me.  Didn’t even budge.

[back into the house…grumbly and…I admit, crying like a little girl]

Listen, I try really REALLY hard not to mention my pain levels every day.  I do.  But you know what?  I cannot.  I falter at the concept of just existing.  The pain’s not going away any time soon…this is the new normal…yadda yadda…BUT:

But this is the only way I know how to process what’s going on inside my body.

I, myself, am incredulous.  I cannot fathom living the rest of my life at levels of this…uh…”elevation.”  So?  I continue on.  Endure.  Persevere.  Eat Crunch’n’Munch.

[enter kryptonite, stage left]

If there’s one thing about all this that I cannot handle, it’s the pain in my forearms/wrists/hands/fingers.  Words fail to articulate, fully, the expanse of wanting to run head-first into a wall if I thought it might satiate the hounds of hell.

My legs/knees/ankle/feet?  Ya, I can sit on my I’ve-earned-this-ass and at least type.  THIS post is causing me significant waves of pain, alone…

I cannot grip.  Therefore, I cannot hold.  I cannot hold, thus I get really freakin’ pissy.  I cannot open bottles.  I cannot support myself onto the toilet because the pain my back (Yup. Still there…five months next week) sends nauseating waves of “holy shit, kill me now” pain within my spine.

Isn’t being a Chronic Badass full of awesome-ry?!?

Leave.  My hands.  ALONE.

Nothing brings me to cry like a little girl faster than the frustration of not being able to function because my forearms/wrists/hands/fingers are seized up tighter that a nun’s…uh…moving on…

Oh.  Em.  Gee.  Do YOU have a kryptonite to your Chronically Afflicted Super-Self?!?  What’s the ONE thing (cuz we all know there’s, like, a million) that brings you down the fastest? What do you do to cope…aka…what’s YOUR lead box?!?

Me?

Thank gawds Crunch’n’Munch doesn’t come in a bottle!! 😉

 

5 responses to “Crunching Kryptonite…

  1. Your pain resonated waves through the electrons of Facebook.

    I was so affected by your cry of despair that, while cleaning the 1/2″ if *weather* off my car, I was actually tempted to take my scraper up to your place and work on yours too; but kept in mind that presuming it would be okay just might actually make your day worse, not better.

    Not only did I have to body-check my car to get the doors open, but I also had to climb across the passenger seat to kick open the driver’s door (across the stick shift), AND get hubby to finish scraping the 4 side windows and mirrors for me.

    This may be the winter of “buy an electric window scraper” for a lot of people.

    Go ahead and post your pain levels regularly. Many people just “don’t get it” – re-post the link to your blog with the explanation of your 1 – 10 pain rating (at least once a month, but that’s probably pushing it).

    Do YOU have a kryptonite to your Chronically Afflicted Super-Self?!? What’s the ONE thing (cuz we all know there’s, like, a million) that brings you down the fastest? What do you do to cope…aka…what’s YOUR lead box?!?

    My kryptonite=certain foods-peppers, tomatoes, hormone surges and major weather pressure changes. Certain sitting positions are also big contributors. My leg joints inflame from hip to ankle (and take turns!), and even migraine-rated Advil liquid gels don’t always cut it.

    The lead box? Comfort foods, food-avoidance, catching the posture before it triggers pain and Energy work involving temporary pain blocks. Sometimes it’s a day of inner work to trigger outer work – “why am I sitting on my foot? Are my feet cold, or am I unconsciously stopping myself from moving forward?”

    Question: On the days that your hand/wrist/arm pain is particularly bad, have you considered a voice program for your computer? One that you can use to open programs, and dictate your thoughts?

    I think about you every day, and always wish you the best, and am thankful you found the love of your life to help you survive the toughest of your days

  2. Tracy Thillmann

    Dizziness is my kryptonite. Getting dizzy = feeling like I’ve lost control. Which for an OCD anxiety-ridden person whose anxiety is caused by loss of control, it’s a vicious circle. I can deal with excruciating pain in my muscles and joints, well kind of, but when my mental faculties or something I can’t see or truly “feel”, that gets me down. As for the lead box… Friends the tv show. I have watched it from Season1-10 probably over 30 times. I love it and the familiarity soothes me. Love your posts as always. Raw and in your face. Fight the good fight girl.

  3. For me it’s two things.
    The instant one is nausea
    that sh#t stops me instantly and leaves me curled up in a ball. I’ve tried everything somethings help a little some not at all. Right now the only thing that helps is a med that was originally developed for chemical lobotomies in the 50’s. But it works so I take it every day.
    The slow one is the brain fog. Being stupid, forgetting things are bad, but not being able to read. That is hard on me. Anyone that has seen my house knows, it’s a freaking library. Antique books, new ones, I don’t care even reprints work, and eBooks.
    When I was in highschool I would read a book a day. Around working, school, and cadets. Now I’m lucky if it takes less then 3 months to read one book. I read the same page over and over. I forget the entire book. Or I just can’t concentrate for long enough to read a single line.
    I haven’t found anything to help that. So I collect books and look at them and wish I could read.
    Pain? Pain is nothing. But if you see me sitting and rocking and dazed.
    Don’t touch.

  4. I feel almost guilty that I’ve been pain-free for about two weeks. (Almost, not quite.)

    I too, hate it when my hands don’t work, when I keep dropping things. It’s the constantly dropping stuff that drives me absolutely frantic! I hate the days I can’t carry a cup of coffee from the kitchen to the lounge room – because it doesn’t make it all the way, and then I have to clean up the mess!

  5. omg hun, that is terrible , i wish sending good juju your way could aleviate your pain. dip you in a big vat of IBUPROFEN to settle the pain.

    my kryptonite is the stupid weather and work that causes anxiety and that send waves of migraines through my head when I want to get things done to the point i want to kill. it hurts like crazy.

    go ahead an post your pain levels. its your choice if someone wants to bitch about your post they can go fuck themselves. One to ten scales don’t cut it for the invisible unheakthies… I would say my pain of the migraine today ends up at a 14 on the scale. They have neat scales you can put on blogs if you want to make it all fancy. give more of a point to where your are coming from giving an idea how you are functioning abnd how your pain is going and coming.

    I worked that icy day and i had to body check my car try to scrape the ice and broke 3 nails to the point of bleeding after a shitty day of work. I really hate icy weather.

    Good luck on your days.

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