#HAWMC Day 27: Bye, bye, bye…
Living with an illness, you are more likely to face people who don’t understand your daily struggles. Sometimes, these people can be inconsiderate and hurtful. Have you ever wanted to tell them how you really feel, but didn’t feel like you were able to? Now is your chance! Write an open letter to the people who have hurt you. What would you say to them? What lessons would you like them to learn?
Aw, HELLA no…really? To what purpose does it serve to write out to people who treat us miserably, which often is merely a reflection of their own inner strife and shortcomings….??
But…I was up for the challenge, with a wee twist…because the stress of spending the last five years being the brunt of someone’s misguided hatred is simply too much to allow to continue any longer.
Dear Soul-Sad Girl,
It’s funny how much I’ve learned from you. Not in the ha-ha kind of way, but in the dramatic irony kind of way that life so very often displays.
You’ve spent years trying to mock, shame and/or fabricate the most intricate of fallacies and you were to me, My Bully. I still hear the whispers of “She said you weren’t a good person.”
And, I used to think to myself, “Hey, well done! Picking on the dying chick. Stay classy.”
And, I’ve spent years being utterly confused…looking at my challenges, looking at the amount of support I’ve received as I continue to “Do.” shit, achieve and inspire…
Now I think to myself, “I’m so sorry you feel you have nothing positive to contribute to your “You.” that you are threatened by the very existence of someone like “Me.” within the confines of your limited perceptions.”
Thing is? You do. I don’t know what they are, however, because I wouldn’t have considered us actually ever “friends”. But, I see your contributions online with the friends I *do* have and the truth is, you often make other people happy. You engage and help and suggest and plan and organize.
That’s why I am SO pissed off with you and your damned blinders-on perception of reality.
You took a situation between yourself and someone else, a glaring miscommunication of epic standards, and you applied it directly to me. The exact situation I *knew* would happen, no matter how far back I’d stepped at any point in time.
Your fallacies are so fabricated I’d actually LOL’d for realz. If you took the polar opposite of something, that is precisely where your perceptions have resided for the last five mind-boggling years. Sweetie, we were never friends in the way that friends relate. You didn’t even know me, my family or sure as shit my intentions and perceptions. You have one of those “bold personalities” that I find intimidating, overwhelming and, truth be told, rude, tactless and most often filter-less. I don’t make friends easily with people like that…especially women. And, you’ve personified precisely the reason why.
Your efforts ramp up any time my successes thrive. My life is transparent and I realize that that often makes me a target for “haters” like yourself. My shoulders are broad, Soul-Sad Girl, but I verily believe your efforts would be better suited to self-evolution instead of desperately trying to insert yourself into lives that simply have no reflection upon your own. Aka, mine.
What’s made me even more sad, admittedly, are the number of people who enable your behaviour.
See, I know a little bit about a lot of people. Interestingly to note is the following perception: Those of upper “status”, as you’d likely say, don’t hear the rumours and fallacies of which you speak. Those who do hear them…again, still…well…I kind of feel a bit awkward for them. I suppose one could infer that you don’t think as highly of them as you do others in the community.
That must suck the proverbial balls for that group of people, no? It’s okay though, I’ve filled them in, as necessary. I didn’t start off that way. No one knew. I felt it was not my place because it wasn’t my fight. Until you made it very clear that by spewing your venom that always, ALWAYS, makes it back to my ears, you made it personal.
One does not simply walk into my life and fuck with my name’s honour.
Oh, yes, and he knows I’m just as furious with him as I am with you. I’ve even been irate. I have lost my proverbial shit in epic ways. If anyone has felt the wrath after seeing me watching someone attempt to destroy the very name of the worth, integrity and honour I’ve been owning in my personal, self-evolution…it has been him, I can assure you.
It’s your turn. And, not in the epic, nithing pole way I so desperately and very childishly wanted.
If there is something else I’ve learned, is that some people feed off of feelings such as your own. Some people are, for whatever reason, unable to own their shit. I’ve made that very clear on his end, as well. Windex clear.
I will attempt to make a suggestion to you, then.
If you are unable to own your role, your proverbial shit, your failure to do so is nothing I need to own.
If you are unable to listen to accolades directed my way, that is also your proverbial shit to own. Ask yourself why. Honestly, why. Why me? Why not any of the eleventy-billion other folk who watch some of your behaviour with a sad shake of their head? If you are truly reading this, I can absolutely, without question, know who…exactly…directed you to it.
Then ask yourself, honestly, why. Why you? Why do you not seek to evolve in your life journey? To better not just the lives of the plethora of people who admire, love and respect your friendship…but of your own?
Thing is, in your dire need to…I don’t even know what, to be honest…directed at me, you lose sight that I’m human, too. But, while you’re busy trying to pick apart at tiny, negative pieces and construct them into a gargantuan fabrication, you’re missing the part where I’m really a pretty awesome person. I’ve had my health-related ass handed to me, and I still keep on keepin’ on. Perhaps you might find some inspiration in there somewhere to go kick some Cosmic ass in the world for yourself.
We don’t need to be friends.
But, by whatever gods you relate to…the ill-speak will stop. And, if you feel that makes me the selfish and self-centered person you believe that I am…pompous or pious…you’re mutha fuckin’ right…because my life matters.
I truly hope you find the peace in your soul to believe that yours matters, too.