#HAWMC Day 3:
“Quotation Inspiration. Find a quote that inspires
you (either positively or negatively) and free write
about it for 15 minutes.”
Holy sweet mother of snickerdoodles, Batman!! GAH!
Not that I’m on any kind of pity pot, I’m not. I swear it. But unless you’re coffee or guinea pigs, I really am uncomfortable with the rainbows’n’puppies’n’kittens’n’shit this week. o.O Just the chaos of my reality at the moment, I suppose. Existing at the rate of several “wtf’s” per second. Subsisting on coffee and Clonazepam.
This shall pass. It always does. There’s the escapism of pet therapy and “Colour!” and the cosmos (the good one, not the asshat one) and of all things coffee.
When managing chronic illness and disease, this really hits the proverbial nail on the head.
It can be, literally, from actually getting out of bed, physically…to then making it into the shower…
Or, alternatively, it can be making a choice.
That’s what I really reflect upon a lot.
I can easily come up with eleventy-billion excuses as to why I don’t wanna. That’s the easiest thing ever. What’s the hardest thing ever is coming to recognize that, at its core, it’s my own damn choice to not do something, because I am thusly choosing to do something else. Or, alternatively, alternatively, it’s my choice to “Do” or “Not Do”. Either way, I’m always actually “Do”ing.
No? Don’t blame you. I’ve had enough coffee I could thread a sewing machine while its running. *shifty eyes*
Okay, so here’s the thing: At the beginning of my health journey I came upon forum after forum, group after group…and I promptly left the majority of them all. Why? Because people can’t own their shit. Myself, included, at that time. Just took me about two years to actually recognize it for what it was.
Whine-1-1. We’ve all been there. BUT…if we’re not making a choice to recognize that “reasons” or “excuses” are but choices themselves, I think our mental health through the journey would be modified greatly. Just a different perspective, I guess.
So, when I read this quote, I remember that I have a choice to make. Even if something seems absolutely bat-shit crazy to me, or so overwhelming I want to hide in my blankie fort and stay there for days…I remember that I need to break it down into smaller steps, smaller pieces, and that my choice determines if I’m going to actually move forward or remain stagnant.
“Stagnant” reminds me of small pools of water where mosquitoes are born.
I loathe mosquitoes.
Thus, I recognize that I need to make a choice to at least do a small thing. If I do a small thing, I’m trying. The more small things I do, the more they add up. The more they add up, the more I feel like I can personify the reality of living with a chronic disease.
And, personifying the reality of living with a chronic disease, I believe, allows me to express ALL the fugly about living with a chronic disease. I can Whine-1-1 one day, and boast the next.
Balance. A true, living photograph of each step towards the achievement and success I attain.
It’s like a chronic illness journey equation!!
Choice + Do = Success
Success + Balance = Life
HA! I don’t even think that makes sense, but I’m “choosing” to believe it might in some parallel universe. 😉
I don’t know. For those who have followed along in my journey, if you look at my journey thus far, can you identify or recognize any of the “small things” that lead me to where I am today? Lemme know…I’d love your perspective!