Gobbledygook?

NHBPM Day 19: “Write about: Life and Death.

Seriously, how on EARTH are you supposed to title THAT one?!?

Um.

Okay.

I’m unclear as to which direction to take this…so I’m going to free-write, I think.

It’s been a day.

Life.  Sucks bollocks at times, and today was one of them.  Tomorrow could be frabjously stellar.  The key to life (and yes, I can boast that I know it)…is to know how long you require to spend in each kind of day.

For example, this morning commenced with an Academy Award winning performance of “The Mother Who Finally Broke, starring Substance Abusing Son.”

Have you ever hugged your fridge?

Dead-shit serious.  There’s a little nook (more like a cranny) between the space where my counter and my fridge meet.  Just enough for me to tuck myself into and hold myself there in a remarkable display of appliance love.

Because no one else was here.

See.  Moments like these make me learn something.  Either how strong I am, or how much I really and truly and validly need the chemical release that only a cry-like-your-soul-is-breaking can provide.  Today?  The latter.

So, I did what any bat-shit crazy person would do, and I went out in public having an anxiety attack so badly I couldn’t actually eat anything. *shrug*

And you know what?  I felt better.  And I know I’ll feel even more “better” tomorrow.  Because that’s how long I believe I need to wallow.  I’m allowed to wallow.  What I’m NOT allowed to do is to continue to wallow.

That’s my life.  That’s ANYone’s life.  Ups and downs…side to side…and the more-often-than-not curveball thrown in to keep you on your toes.

How willing you are to manage these events will determine the quality of your life.

And…the duration.

You cannot fathom the extent to which stress and chemical imbalances can lead to life-threatening diseases (heart disease, autoimmune disease…for example).  I am vehemently opposed to anyone who believes otherwise.

Death.

There are so many days I wish I didn’t wake up.

Dude.

I go to bed knowing I will feel like this for……………………………………

Who the hell knows.  And I am pro-actively taking the steps to ensure that it will be for longer than the medical community believes it will be.  There will always be steps.  Small steps and big steps and maybe the occasional leap.

So, when days like today occur, I relish in the strength that I will commit myself to continuing to learn new things, new coping techniques, new knowledge, new SOMEthing that will keep me wanting to wake up every morn’…

Funny truth is: We’re so afraid of dying…why are we also so afraid of living?!

It’s why I started “The #gladitude project.”

Do not mistake the project for all that you are thankful for.  It’s easy to list off all the reasons why we’re thankful.

What makes the #gladitude stand in a different light than thankfulness is its propensity for folk to find those small things that keep you going on a day like……..today.

For me, it was the Starbucks half-sweet Peppermint Mocha.

Clearly, I was not the only one “having a day.”

You’ll know it when you see it.

Or you can just follow the conveniently applied arrow.

 

(top image coloured by me, using Copic Sketch markers)

 

 

This post was written for Wego Health’s National Blog Post Month, 2012.

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