Good, Better, Best

#HAWMC Day 14: “I feel best when…”

Write about moments you feel like you can take
on the world. Where, when, and how often does
this happen?

In today’s edition of “Life’s Biggest Ironies”…we see me taking over the world being the best “Me.” I can be when I’m with other health advocates or, especially so, when I’m with people with Lupus. Social media, in the realz, whichever.

Funny, isn’t it? I can be free-to-be-me empowered in the company of similar individuals, yet I hesitate and withdraw from those people I desperately wish to share with, educate and illuminate to the realities of living with disease.

Most of the time?

Most of the time I’m little Go, Go SocialAnxiety Girl with her evil minion sidekick, Depression Dumbass. I’d rather hide-y hole than face the world that doesn’t understand.  I get tired of “All Health. All of the Time.”

And yet?

There I am…when the weather is Goldilocks (not too hot, too damp, too cold or too whatevermakesmeragey)…spring cleaning or blogging or organizing, OH, MY!

I think, for me, the time that I feel the most “Most.” is when I’m not hindered or shouldering the stress of the “Everything.” no matter how temporary or fleeting.

IMG_20120728_135242Camping, though it comes with it own “Holy shit, you’re going to live outside for _____ days?”…is a spiritual, soul-refreshing, land-connecting, friendship bonding time of “I can do anything.”

My scrapbooking weekend retreats with gal pals certainly is another time of “Awesome.”

I’m actually kind of struggling with this prompt because the simple fact of the matter is this: According to my biggest supporters, I “Do.” epic shit, given the nature of my circumstances…but I just do not see it.

Hell, most probably think that just doing the blogging and parenting and daycare-ing and President-ing and crafting…that in and of itself is an illustration of feeling my best.

I “Do.” shit because I want memories. I’m going to hurt no matter what.

Own your shit.

Own your shit.

Me…I’m on the couch blogging while thinking about the two baskets of laundry I’ve been giving the evil stink-eye and it doesn’t magically fold itself and put itself away.

I’m thinking about my upcoming appointments and when my daughter’s glasses will be ready and what, again, I’ve had planned for dinner but have once again forgotten to take out of the freezer.

I simply don’t feel I’m doing enough.

Guys, I don’t want to just feel at my best…

…I want to feel better.

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