Mirror, Mirror

#HAWMC Day 21: Reflection

Van GoghThis is a day to reflect. For the WEGO Health family, we reflect on the inspiring and tireless work Health Activists do every day. Reflect on your journey today. What are your thoughts and hopes for the future?

Oh, boy, what a journey it’s been!

Reflection upon it…hmmmm….where does one even take this prompt? The inspiring and tireless work of being an advocate…

It’s funny, you know…I never wanted to start a blog. Hadn’t even known what a blog was before then. I figured it was something online for mommies to bitch and moan and pump and preen and generally someone was going to be made to feel like shit because they wouldn’t feel that they measured up to the proverbial Jones’.

Ya, health advocacy is a lot like that, too.

The only people you know you inspire are the ones who take a couple of minutes to actually tell you. Mostly, you sit and hover your finger over the “Publish” button for what seems like an eternity wondering if you’ll finally piss off the masses and no one will ever read anything you write, ever again.

Tireless is marked in the countless times you try to get someone to understand a perception, only to be hidden from newsfeeds or dropped, socially, altogether.

That is, until someone receives a diagnosis of the very same affliction and suddenly the entire world owes them an audience.

I’ve learned a few things along the way, though. Lessons that are only afforded to the sick and the diseased. Lessons that hopefully harden your resolve but not your soul.

Advocacy is a fine dance between the education and the reality. It’s the balance of the good and the bad. It sure as shit is all about walking the walk after you’ve talked the talk.

Advocacy is opening yourself up to the critiques of other people’s perceptions and their reception is subjective to their levels of knowledge and experience.

My life over the past four+ years has been transparent. That itself marks you for assumptions and commentaries, whether truthful or fabricated.

I chose to do that. There are many days where I wish I’d chosen differently. Many.

I’ve found myself putting “Me.” under pressure to keep on keepin’ on for the sake of other people’s need for me to keep on keepin’ on. I’ve since realized that I’m only responsible for “Me.” and I own my shit accordingly.

I’ve discovered that the people I want to educate about Lupus don’t want to learn.

I’ve discovered that they don’t have to. I don’t giveth a shiteth about some of the things that other people post…thus it stands to reason that what’s important to me doesn’t have to be important to them.

I’ve learned that the journey that gets you the furthest is the one you carve out of the ordinary. Sometimes, being prepared to forge into the realities no one wants to hear are the very posts that resonate the most.

Ultimately?

My journey has exceeded my expectations because I’ve learned just how much I can “Do.”

I’ve reached goals I’d never set, achievements I’d never undertaken and surpassed expectations I’d never placed.

Pretty epic for a chick with a mo-fo autoimmune disease within the chaos of her made-for-tv-movie kind’o’life.

Believe.

Do.

Repeat.

 

 

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