Penance Perception Factor

…alternatively…the Theory of Relativity, badass style.

Failure PerceptionTime and time again, I find myself writing the words, “…but don’t ever let that (my illness quotient) invalidate your own pain/ thoughts/ perceptions…”

I often wonder why we bother with mainstream social media…it seems to be doing nothing other than resembling chest-puffery and pissing contests.

“I wear a size 6!” That’s wonderful. Because being on medications that make my body contort into the throes of beached-whaledom makes me feel wonderful reading that!

“I made beaded necklaces today from glass beads I hand-blew whilst the outer rings of Saturn aligned with Jupiter’s moons!!” That’s wonderful, because wiping my ass can be a challenge.

Am I pissy? Meh. To each his/her own. Where it becomes a problem is when I begin to downgrade my own worth/status/abilities in the light of someone else.

And by “someone else,” I mean everyone else…and the Bully.

It’s not uncommon, bullying. As an adult. By an adult.

I’ve had a couple of very candid conversations with people I admire greatly, who have been tossed main courses of verbal attacks and side dishes of rumours. Greatly publicized, too, over social media, in fact.

When you put yourself out there as much as, say, someone like myself…you open yourself up to attack from people who believe that they, for whatever reason, are entitled to downgrade your personality to the extent of using bullying tactics.

Why?

Dunno. Maybe they need to redefine what it is they believe to be “Success.” “Happiness.” “HONOUR.”

Because, I can sure as shit guarantee, if they could see my I’ve-earned-this-ass having to crawl up the stairs at the end of the day, or watch me writhe on the kitchen floor with spasms, or listen to me cry when I can’t even hold my toothbrush like some convalescent 101 year old…well…I can’t fathom how that can’t bring shit into a realistic perspective.

Or, in the alternative, maybe they’re just really that kind of mean and like to kick  people when they’re already down.

Whichever.

People like that need a therapist. I hope they can use their energy to focus on whatever they feel is lacking in their own lives and use it to better themselves. All I can do or say to that.

What’s important to note from this experience, is that I (you) am NOT, not EVER, defined by anyone else’s abilities/successes/thoughts/opinions.

I can distinguish between who posts and uses social media to outline successes that are qualitative instead of quantitative. That’s also the reason why I post about the shitty days I have or the less-than-stellar moods I’m in…it’s all about balance.

It’s a validation issue I’m working on with myself. When I post super-stellar awesomeness, I reflect first upon the reason for doing so. Am I seeking the “Good girl”? Do I need to hear the “You’re awesome!” Do I want to post it so that people can be proud of it?

Or am I posting it because…frankly…I’m mutha freakin’ proud of it?!?!

For example: I’m officiating a baby naming ceremony in June.

HUZZAH!!!!

I’m really mutha freakin’ proud of that!

Life isn’t supposed to be a competition (unless you’re having a unicorn riding contest…then it’s totally a competition). You do good stuff. I do good stuff.

I still have work to do on this one, because having someone bully you is quite the eye-opener for how much you still want to be able to defend yourself.

My issue is believing in the things that make me, “Me.”

The other thing that having someone bully you really opens your eyes to, is the response you get from those that “know.” And they know what I really deep down *do* know…

I don’t have a good goddamn thing I need to defend about myself.

That, my dear friends…is where we ALL need to aspire to be. 🙂

2 responses to “Penance Perception Factor

  1. Damn the bullies. I have had my share, and I have decided that there is nothing you can ever say or do, so you ignore and move on. Does it still hurt? Yes! BUT, if you engage, they win in some way. They win because they got you to react.
    You NEVER have to justify, you NEVER have to submit to a fact check, and you don’t need me or anyone else to tell you that you are awesome. You know the hell you are, and that is what makes you so awesome.
    BUT, if it gets too rough out there, I will file down my toothbrush into a prison shank and meet you in a dark alley and we can go cut a bitch together! I am with you sister.
    “Never apologize, never explain.”
    You are perfect, except when you aren’t, then you are only slightly less than perfect and that’s pretty cool.
    Jules

    • “Never apologize, never explain”

      I love this more than I can articulate, Jules…m’thinks I shall make it a mantra.

      Your support is truly appreciated. Because you’re awesome. Takes one to know one, I s’ppose 😉 xoxo

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *