So, I did something I don’t normally do:
I very politely indicated to my well mannered, awesome mood family that I was wondering if I might, in fact, slip away into the basement to my studio to craft this week’s project.
I…uh…may have thrown the evil stink-eye to the lot of hellions and said, in no uncertain terms, that I was going down to my craft room whilst I was already halfway down the stairs.
It’s been a rough
It’s only Tuesday.
Just sayin’. (o.O)
Regardless, I had a glorious 45 minutes to myself with no interruptions (okay, well, other than my spazzy-ass sneeze attack that made me want to throw a paper trimmer into the wall) or any contact whatsoever with ANYone at all…
I was able to ponder and reflect upon my “truth teller”…that which affords me the ability to overcome lies and misguiding advice and the general “put myself down” kind of shit upon which I’ve grown. That inner reflection of putting the truth above all else, lest I continue even one more day believing that I’m anything less than the awesome person I’ve always been…but…y’know…deep, deep down inside ‘cuz I’ve squelched it so far under the bullshit of lies and bullies and unfair parenting…
It’s difficult and uncomfortable, this pondering. I don’t like it. In fact, it pisses me off at times because I either know in my head that my thought processes are absolutely bat-shit crazy or simply because…it’s ridiculously deep and sad.
If I get sad, I cry.
If I cry, my face gets wet.
I hate a wet face.
Alas, I’ve discovered my “truth teller” is a piece of my essence that is a reflection of the virtues I hold dear.
Ya. If you get that, you can go online and make yourself a certificate recognizing your incredible talent at understanding bat-shit crazy women.
In a nutshell…it’s a piece of the real “Me.” that tells me the truth.
The absolute truth…and not in a “A Few Good Men” kind’o'way.
To the core.
Tells me that I’m worth it. That I have unlimited possibility. That I am beautiful and no matter my mistakes or regrets or whatever else I put down about my Go, Go SpazzyAss…it will always be there to tell me the truth.
And I am sure as shit ready to listen.