I’m no stranger to pain.
I have had five children…even carried two at a time within my womb.
I have had kidney stones 3 times.
I have had a gallbladder attack so bad I was wanting to stab myself with whatever I could find in that damn emergency room broom closet I’d been stuff into.
I’m the BADASS of pain management.
Yesterday was the Clash of the Titans within my previously flare-weakened carcass.
It was a PD Day for my daycare girls. They were playing at the dining room table yesterday morning and I was just puttering and tidying up. I remember looking at the flyers on the table (I’m a flyer whore, I swear…I stalk the flyer dude…I need to KNOW what’s on SALE!!!)…Then I remember that when I’d straightened up, my back felt I’d just been shot.
(going out on a limb here, not ever actually having been shot before)
I panicked. Five months of dealing with intensely localized pain in this very same area just went into hyper-drive. I couldn’t “feel” my leg!! It wasn’t numb, per se…it simply didn’t exist at all! “omgomgomgomg”…was all I could manage to think. What do I DO!?!?!?
It took me almost a half an hour just to co-ordinate the immediate logistics. That scared me in itself, for what would’ve happened had I suddenly ceased to exist?
Lesson learned: Make that damn list of “Important Telephone Numbers.”
I got the daycare girls picked up by their dad, my children arranged for to be met at the bus stop after school, my husband to come home and friends to be on “standby”.
Made it to the emergency at the hospital.
LONG story shortened, as it took four hours to get called into a room, and another one hour to see the nurse and another one and half to see the doctor, and another half hour to get all my trophies.
I was stuck with pain, the likes of which mimicked my kidney stone pain…for almost five hours with nary but the Tylenol the triage nurse had given me upon our arrival. I was nauseous and sat beside my good ol’ hospital blue/green puke bowl.
I had two needles worth of the awesome Morphine/Gravol cocktail. I’d had a needle of Toradol. I took a pill of an anti spazmodic.
I had my epiphany. I realized, at one moment staring up at that sterile ceiling, that this was, by far, the most best/worst day I’d ever had. Best? Because I wasn’t alone. Worst? Because I realized that after all that had transpired that day…the co-ordinations…the anxiety…the stress…the PAIN…that I simply don’t want to live like this for the rest of my life.
So? So I need to come up with an “Operation Change of Plans.”
So far, I’ve made it clear to myself that I’m taking the time off of work. Thus, my daycare parents have been informed of such.
Next, I will need to re-examine (for the eleventy-billion-eth time) my priorities. I suck ASS at staying within my boundaries and often (okay, DAILY) push my limits and overdo…well…life itself. This?? I cannot push this.
I’m currently awaiting a call from the hospital indicating when my MRI is going to be this week. I’ve been put in on an emergency basis. I’ve also had the suggestion made to inform my doctor that after the MRI is done, that I can then get referred to the hospital to have epidural cortisone injections to help manage the pain.
Spinal injections to manage the pain?? Who the hell wants to live like this?!?!?
BUT…it is something I will have to do in order to do the things I need to do in life…like live…
THEN it came to me…I’m going to need to come up with some kind of “thing” to better enable me to be effective as a PARENT for the upcoming week.
Right now, I’m currently taking a cocktail of Flexeril, Naproxen and Dilaudid. Now…in addition to pain…I’m STONED and in pain. FABBBBBBBBB-U-LOUSSSSSSS (sung all sing-song like whilst shaking hands out in front).
Today and tomorrow are fine…the littles are with their dad.
BUT: even today…I’m having a hard time just getting to the bathroom. How in the blue hell am I gonna get homework done, lunches made, bathing, and whatever eleventy-billion things I do each day…done???
Yup. I’ve got an amazing husband. Nope, I am NOT expecting that he do everything. Will he? Most likely. But I don’t like the stress/strain it puts on him. On ANYONE, really. Try having a discussion with yourself about lowering standards and lessening expectations when you’re tripping out on pharmaceutical poison. (O.O) If anything in this post even makes a cent of sense…LOL!!!
Anyway, my point is this: This week is going to be one helluva hard week for me, both on a personal AND professional basis. I’ve not yet had any of my afflictions affect my work to this degree of “spontaneity” and I’m just glad it’s three days off, and not a “for good.” I want to be able to dictate when that “for good” is going to be.
Yesterday just showed me how much control I just simply do not possess…