I don’t know. I can’t think of it. Well, I suppose I could if the last of my four remaining brain cells weren’t clogged up by the “yet-another-doctor-appointment” self-imposed debriefing going on in there….
The appointment itself was essentially full of “expected.” I expected the Metformin for the diabetes to be increased (although “doubled” was not). I expected the Amitriptyline for the pain management/sleep/night issue to be increased (although “doubled plus 5” was not). I expected the talk about the pain management was going to be frivolous and a general waste of time (although hearing how the nurse hadn’t sent in the rheumatologist referral was not). Oh yes, I expected all of this.
Was I was unprepared for (shit, that makes me think of the Forrest Gump saying….each of my doctor appointments are like that ridiculous box of chocolates which, ironically, I couldn’t eat ANYWAYS…..) was hearing the kidney issues after she’d reviewed yet another labwork result.
I don’t like “OH.”‘s They’re emphatic. Nothing in a doctor’s office, when spoken emphatically, has meant anything of a positive nature in ANY area concerning my general well-being.
As expected, neither was this. Oh, it’s not a kick-in-the-teeth revelation…but it’s implications are….disturbing.
In a nutshell, means:
[But wait! There’s more!!]
“What in the blue hell is “lupus nephritis”?!?” I did not see this in my research. I do research every freakin’ day. This is new to me. I haven’t heard about this!
Well, no shit. Because I’ve not taken the time to see what happens when things start to go “askew”. Not “wrong”, per se….no, not yet….”askew”. My new word of the day. “Today’s blog post is brought to you by the letter ‘A’ “….Askew.
Lupus nephritis (as taken from medicinenet.com because it was the clearest to understand)
“In general, lupus nephritis is a result of inflammation in the kidneys that is associated with an overactive immune (defense) system. As a consequence, antibodies against the patient’s own tissues (auto-antibodies) form antibody-tissue (antibody-antigen) unions (complexes) that in turn deposit in the kidney and initiate a destructive inflammatory reaction. In fact, very often, the severity of the kidney disease parallels the severity of the immune abnormalities that can be measured in the blood of patients with lupus (such as DNA antibody, complement levels, etc.). Accordingly, treatment usually involves medications that reduce inflammation and suppress the immune system. When lupus nephritis leads to kidney failure, however, kidney dialysis or transplantation is necessary to sustain life.”
What. The. Hell. Ever.
*sigh*…..not a huge glitch…..but will require monitoring over the next….forever…..
I’ve had kidney problems since childhood. I don’t like this. Not one bit.
Anyhooooooooooooooo….this had led me to the drive home and the copious amounts of thinking that did NOT pertain to purple painted ponies that poop butterflies.
No, I did this, like, 12-step program of denial, anger, sorrow, denial some more….okay, maybe only a 3-step program (but when you’re emotional, it FEELS like 12, in all fairness!)
But this got me to thinking…..WHAT. “WHAT”. W-H-A-T.
What ARE my priorities?!? I’ve been so consumed with researching, for example, should I not be resting? If I’m resting, should I not be exercising? If I’m exercising, should I not be testing my glucose? If I’m testing my glucose, should I not be meal planning? If I’m meal planning, should I not be researching?
HELP!!! How in the blue hell do you prioritize AND make it happen while running the freakin’ Brady Bunch household, a job, my appointments and partner? Oh yes, and ME?!?
I’ve been in contact with someone from the Ottawa branch of Lupus Ontario ho has assured me that they have this kind of support system and resources available to them to help me help myself while helping my children and soon-to-be-spouse.
[brain cell implosion in 3….2….1…..]
I need to get a grip, or a good kick in the ass, and get moving on a game plan to make MY life the priority here…but after umpteen number of years living at the rate of several wtf’s a second through my made-for-tv-movie kind of life…..HOW…..HOW do I do this when I’ve continuously (and by continuously, I mean every truckin’ day of my life) been going at 110%? Every. Single. Day.
I’d best find out before…..
UPDATE: Smoke free – 6 weeks today.