NHBPM Day 25: “How have your goals as a patient / advocate / person evolved?“
Stuff like, “Why can you lay laminate flooring one week, but not be able to walk up the stairs the next?” kind of stuff.
23 people read it the very first day.
Not a single one of them were the people I needed to read it.
So, I tried harder…wrote more…wrote raw…wrote funny…wrote REAL.
Still, more and more people read it, but not the people I needed to read it.
Fast forward a year and a half later, and some of the people I needed to read it, have actually read a post or three.
My goal was to be an advocate to express my own personal dealings with managing my five children, a new engagement-turned-marriage, my job, my household and my health issues to the people I “knew” would require this information.
What I learned, however, are the following realities that have helped shaped the direction on which I ride this crazy made-for-tv-movie kind’o’life:
1) People, no matter who, do not have to give a good goddamn about anything you are currently, previously or anticipating going through with respect to your health, your problems or your life.
2) You will always inspire someone.
So. Armed with this information, I came to a personal epiphany that, try as I may, my “target market” is a completely different and dynamic health community…not a personal community.
Do I like it?
Well, it makes me kind of sad, just a little bit. I thought I’d be able to “keep in touch” this way. Unfortunately, what I did, was “assume”…
Yes, I am a smidge embarrassed to admit it.
Yes, I know it might help someone come to a similar understanding as it relates to their own personal circumstances and frustrations.
Then I had a cosmic clue-by-four over the past couple of months during which I learned, the ultimate hard way (via stress and physical manifestations of anxiety and illness)…that no matter what:
It’s my good goddamn life and it’s up to me, and me alone, to make it the life I want it to be.
I write, I realized, because I need to process the chaos of my reality.
I have inspired countless thousands across the globe to start being accountable for themselves and to stop letting the “Pity Party Poopers” on the Crazy Train enable them to fall into the spiral of self-doubt and…well…the Eeyore Syndrome.
Own your shit.
That’s the biggest personal gain I’ve made to date this year…and specifically the year I chose to study the virtue/thew “Self-Discipline/Self-Rule”. Co-inky-dink?
I think not.
I am currently empowering myself to make (and attain) goals without the concept of associating failure with…well…failure.
Here’s a new mantra of mine: “I do not fail.”
I may not “attain”…but then there’s something to learn about why I did not “attain”, thus enabling me to try again…differently…until I find the ability to git’er’done.
I’m an enabler of the Awesome variety.
I want to make myself a t-shirt that says, “WWBD?”
“What would Brynn do?”
I would talk the talk, then walk the walk, then blog the shit outta it.
Somewhere in the midst of all that talking and walking and blogging will someone find their own piece of inspiration, own it, then blog about it.
It’s really a kind of “Pay it Forward.”
Or Wella Balsam commercial, I’m not exactly sure how you wanna go there….(You tell your ten friends who tell their ten friends…and so on…and so on…)
Owning it and kicking ass with clean hair. 😉
This post was written for Wego Health’s National Blog Post Month, 2012.